


Just Hold On, We're Going Home

by danceyrselfmean



Series: WORLDSTAR [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cussing, Hip Hop, Humor, M/M, Music, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Daily Show - Freeform, Tony Stark Has Issues, Yes Jon Stewart is actually in this fic, a lot of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4585680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceyrselfmean/pseuds/danceyrselfmean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes pay tribute to our Lord and Savior, Yeezus.</p><p>Tony Stark is really rather confused by the whole damn situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Hold On, We're Going Home

When it was just Steve, he could usually handle it. It was weird, yes. It was off-putting, sure. It challenged quite a few of his world views, admittedly. But the clusterfuck was contained to one person and so he mostly just ignored it, in a rather unusual display of self-control. 

When it was the two of them, that's when Tony's nerves really started to fray.

–

Tony liked Barnes. He didn't have Cap's sensitivities, which while fun to provoke, became annoying after a while. He cussed and leered and poked fun with abandon. He told dirty jokes that had Cap blushing, although Tony suspected that was for show, but he couldn't prove it. Sometimes he even laughed at some of Tony's references. When the goddamn Winter Soldier would have had time to watch Die Hard, however, he wasn't entirely sure. 

The first time an incident happened was actually on a mission, pre-Barnes. Unusual to begin with, 'cause the Cap had this thing about _“no unnecessary chatter on the comms yes that means you Tony we can talk about what we're ordering for dinner later no we had Chinese last week _.”__

Cap was giving his usual pre-battle speech over the comms as they all got into position, something about defeating the bad guys, or justice, or something, honestly Tony usually tuned these out. Tony's attention wandered back in at the end, just in time to hear Cap finish with “...because no one man should have all that power!” in a thunderously righteous voice. Then silence.

“What,” he heard Clint say, voice tinny but disbelief clear in his tone.

“I'm going to have to agree with Robin of Locksley on this one,” Tony said. “What was that last part?”

“Which part,” Cap responded, unassumingly.

“The last part,” Tony responded immediately. 

“No one man should have all that power?” Cap asked.

“Yeah, uh, where did you hear that?” Tony questioned, voiced raising in pitch slightly at the end. “Did you know you quoted Kanye West just now?”

“Um, no?” Cap chuckled awkwardly. “I mean, who's that? Never heard of him. Her. Whoever.”

Tony paused, letting his disbelief flow out of his body and through the comms system, tangible in the static that crackled in the wake of Cap's statement.

“That's funny,” Tony said, voice perhaps still a bit too high-pitched. “Because I remember a certain incident involving a Southern rapper who-must-not-be-named where you pulled the goddamn wool over our eyes. That still hurts when I think about it, Rogers. I get night terrors, I hope you're happy.”

“Sure am,” Cap responded jovially. “Now can we get back to the mission?”

And so they did. In the end, the only casualty of the mission was Tony's pride. 

–

The second time was about a month after Barnes moved into the Tower (Tony's tower. It's his, got his name on it and everything.) and became “ _the brain-washed former Soviet assassin with a metal arm who works for us now, Tony, seriously he's not going to kill you or Pepper in your sleep _.”__

Tony still wasn't sure about the last bit, but the guy was likable enough when he wasn't all scowly. He lightened up a bit when Cap was around, which wasn't adorable, nope not at all. 

Barnes and Cap were shooting the shit in the living room, reminiscing or whatever it is old folks did these days. While Tony sat at the breakfast bar overlooking some schematics and Natasha ate a bowl of granola in small, perfunctory bites and read the newspaper. How she made even that pants-shittingly terrifying Tony had yet to discover, and frankly, he didn't care to.

When the sound of grandpa chuckles became too loud for Tony's liking, he looked up from his tablet and snapped “Don't you two have some kittens to save?”

Barnes, who was sprawled out on the couch with all the confidence of a handsome man who was fully aware of his own good looks, drawled back, “My presence is a present, kiss my ass.”

Tony nearly dropped his Starkpad in sheer disbelief as he stared at Barnes, horror dawning in his eyes.

“No,” he whispered. “No. No no no no no. Not you too.”

“Don't have a clue what you're jabbering about,” Barnes rebutted with an easy-going grin.

When Tony chanced a look at Cap he seemed to be practicing his innocent face. 

“This was you. You did this. _You monster _,” Tony choked out, before gathering his Starkpad and his dignity and leaving the room. He could hear Natasha's low chuckles as he cleared the doorway, but he didn't look back.__

–

The third time it happened was on national goddamned TV. Tony had been pretty sure the whole thing was cooked up to mess with his head and his head alone—addressing the entire U.S. population seemed like a step too far. Cap didn't know when to fucking stop, that little shit.

Cap was scheduled for the Daily Show, which he had been pretty excited about. He'd discovered Comedy Central, apparently, and now he watched the show every night, breaking into spontaneous applause whenever Jon Stewart made a particularly good point. Tony hated politics. Tony also hated Jon Stewart, who had once made an off-color joke about his goatee. Tony held grudges pretty easily, now that he thought about it. The whole team tuned in for Cap's appearance, however. Tony mostly sat angrily on the couch and crunched popcorn like it had offended his mother.

Anyway, after Cap was finished fawning over Jon and vice versa, the real questions started. 

“What's it been like, forming and adapting to your team?” Jon questioned earnestly. “It seems like you guys mesh pretty well during the whole,” and here he waved his arms around excitedly, “world saving stuff.”

The crowd cheered pretty loudly at that one. Cap pinked a little.

“I'm lucky to be a part of the team,” he said modestly. “Being friends with such a great group of people is an incredible honor. Now, I'm not going to pretend it was all smooth sailing,” Cap stated magnanimously, looking directly into the camera, “there were a few conflicts at first. But hey, started from the bottom, now we here.”

Jon looked gobsmacked. There was silence in the studio until one guy could be heard guffawing loudly from somewhere offstage. 

“Did you,” Jon started, his hands coming up to cover his mouth, which was turning upwards into a delighted smile, “did you just quote Drake?”

“Who?” Cap asked, a very genuine look of confusion on his face.

Tony could hear a low, betrayed moan that sounded like a wounded animal. Tony soon realized the sound was coming from his own throat.

When Tony glanced over at Barnes, he was horrified to discover the man had stuffed his (metal!) fist in his mouth in an effort to keep from bursting into laughter. 

Tony left the room.

–

And so it continued. It happened at least once a day. It was always either Cap or Barnes, and when they caught each other's little jokes they would grin at each other like loons, starry eyed and flushed. (And Tony's shriveled heart grew three sizes that day; he's not a robot, goddammit, even if he dresses like one.)

They didn't just stick to one artist either. Cap in particular seemed to enjoy Drake and Kendrick, while Barnes often pulled out Kanye or Jay-Z. On one memorable occasion, Cap threw out a particularly juicy 2 Chainz line. Tony had screamed shrilly in rage and broken something. Okay, so yeah, he wasn't proud of that moment.

One afternoon after a well-timed quip by Barnes to Natasha while she practiced yoga in the living room ( _“You gotta stretch it out, girl move that there _.”) Tony snapped.__

“Why,” he seethed. “Do you insist on torturing me?”

Barnes and Cap swiveled their heads in perfectly creepy unison to stare at him.

“Because it bothers you so much,” Cap shrugged, “I'm just trying to help you unwind, you seem a little uptight.”

“I'm expressing with my full capabilities,” Barnes added helpfully. “My technique is very necessary.”

Cap turned to look at Barnes with an expression of pure awe.

“God, I love you,” he breathed sappily. 

Tony was still speechless as Natasha pulled him, with a steel grip, from the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Songs referenced are, in order, "POWER" and "Monster" by Kanye West, "Started From the Bottom" by Drake, "Headband" by B.o.B, and "Express Yourself" by N.W.A. 
> 
> I don't own anything, I just really love hip hop. :/


End file.
